Attachment style
A person's habitual pattern for seeking closeness and handling distance under stress.
Attachment styles describe tendencies, not diagnoses, and they shift with context and with a safer partner. They are most useful for separating a pattern in them from a pattern in how you respond to it.
What it looks like
- One partner reaches out harder as the other pulls back, and neither reads the other's move correctly.
- A delayed reply lands as danger for one person and as nothing at all for the other.
What it isn't
- A fixed personality type, or a label to win an argument with.
- A diagnosis of anything.
One thing to do with this
Use the pattern to describe the loop you're both in, not to assign fault to one side of it.
Where this shows up in the field guide
These sections of the green flags field guide cover the behaviours behind attachment style.