Is this a red flag,
or is it just me?

Red flags are repeated behaviors that erode your safety or sense of self — love bombing, a story that keeps changing, blame that always lands on you, or pressure to move faster than you want. Green flags are the opposite pattern: consistency between words and actions, curiosity about your boundaries, repair after conflict, and comfort with your independence. Both are patterns over time, not one-off moments.

Watch what repeats rather than what impresses. Notice how someone reacts the first time you say no, how they talk about past partners, whether affection arrives in intense bursts followed by withdrawal, and how you feel in your body after seeing them. Writing down specific incidents — and taking this 17-question assessment — makes the pattern visible instead of leaving you second-guessing a feeling.

The heaviest ones are control disguised as care, rewriting reality so you doubt your memory, isolating you from friends and family, sudden intensity early on, and contempt during conflict. Any threat, intimidation, or physical harm is not a red flag to weigh — it is a reason to reach out to a crisis support service.

If you have to argue yourself out of the same worry more than once, that repetition is the signal. Overthinking usually fades once you get clear information; a real red flag survives explanation and keeps reappearing in new forms. The assessment scores your answers across narcissistic, avoidant, and healthy dimensions so you can see where the pattern actually clusters.

When the behavior is repeated, named, and unchanged after you have raised it — or when it involves any form of coercion or fear. You do not need a diagnosis or a final verdict to leave a relationship that costs you your peace, and you do not need permission to slow things down while you decide.