What should I do first if I feel unsafe right now?

End the conversation and create distance — move toward an exit and away from kitchens, bathrooms, garages, or any room with weapons. Keep your phone on you, send a trusted person your pre-agreed code word, and go somewhere public. If you are being threatened or hurt, call your local emergency number.

Does feeling emotionally unsafe count, or only physical harm?

It counts. Emotional unsafety — walking on eggshells, threats, monitoring, financial control, or being blamed for the other person's rage — is a recognised pattern of coercive control, and it often precedes physical harm. You do not need an injury to justify making a safety plan.

What should be in a safety go-bag?

ID and key documents, bank cards and some cash, spare keys, medication, a phone charger and a written list of numbers, copies of legal orders and insurance, backups of any evidence, and a comfort item for each child. Pack it over several days and store it somewhere the other person never looks.

How do I keep my planning private if they monitor my phone?

Use a device they have never handled for anything about leaving. Turn off location sharing, change your email password before anything else, add two-factor authentication with a number they cannot reach, check for shared logins and tracker tags, and browse privately.

When is leaving most dangerous?

The period around leaving is statistically the highest-risk moment in an unsafe relationship, which is why it works better rehearsed than improvised. Decide your route, destination, transport, and one informed person in advance — and do not announce the plan to the person you are leaving.

Is this page a substitute for professional help?

No. It is educational and non-clinical, not therapy, diagnosis, or legal advice. Use it alongside a local domestic-violence or crisis service — the numbers on this page are region-aware and free to call.

Safety Checklist & Crisis Support When You Feel Unsafe

Reading the signs that you are not safe

Safety is not only about bruises. Tick anything that has happened, even once. A single tick is enough reason to make a plan — you do not have to justify it to anyone.

I change what I say or do to avoid setting them off.
They have blocked a doorway, taken my keys, phone, or money, or stopped me from leaving.
They have hit, shoved, grabbed, choked, or thrown things — even once.
They threaten me, my children, my pets, or themselves when I pull away.
They track my location, read my messages, or demand my passwords.
They control the money, the car, the documents, or who I am allowed to see.
I feel physically braced — jaw, chest, stomach — when I hear them come home.
There are weapons in the home, or they have referred to one during a fight.
I have thoughts of hurting myself, or of not being here anymore.

If you feel unsafe right now

In the moment, the goal is distance and a witness — not resolution. Do the smallest thing that increases either one.

Stop the conversation. Nothing has to be settled tonight.
Move toward an exit and away from the kitchen, bathroom, garage, or any room with weapons.
Keep my phone on me and charged, with emergency numbers reachable from the lock screen.
Text one trusted person a pre-agreed code word that means “come or call”.
Go to a public place, a neighbour, or a family member rather than staying to de-escalate.
Call local emergency services if I am being threatened or hurt.
Once I am safe, breathe slowly for two minutes before making any decision.

Go-bag and documents

Pack quietly, over days, and store the bag somewhere they never look — a friend's house, a locker, your car boot. Leaving is easier when nothing has to be found first.

ID, passport, birth certificates, and immigration papers (originals or photos).
Bank cards, some cash in small notes, and a card they do not know about.
Spare keys for the house and car.
Medication, prescriptions, and a few days of essentials for me and my children.
Phone charger and a written list of numbers in case I lose the phone.
Copies of the lease, custody orders, protective orders, and insurance.
Photos of any injuries or damage, backed up to an account they cannot open.
One comfort item for each child, so leaving feels less like an emergency to them.

Digital safety

Monitoring is common and often invisible. Change things from a device they have never handled, and change them in an order that does not tip them off.

Use a device they have no access to for anything about leaving.
Turn off location sharing in maps, phone settings, and shared family accounts.
Change passwords on email first, then bank, then everything else.
Add two-factor authentication with a number or app they cannot reach.
Check for shared logins, tracker tags, and devices signed into my accounts.
Use private browsing, and clear history when I read pages like this one.
Ask friends not to tag me, post my location, or share plans online.

Exit plan

Leaving is the highest-risk moment in an unsafe relationship, which is exactly why it works better rehearsed than improvised. Decide the details before you need them.

I know which door or window I would use, and it is kept clear.
I know where I would go tonight, and a second option if the first fails.
I know how I would get there — car, taxi money, a friend on call, transit route.
One person knows the plan and has a copy of my key documents.
My children know a code word and where to go, without being told to keep secrets.
I have looked up my local domestic-violence service and saved the number under a neutral name.
I have thought about pets — who takes them, or which shelter accepts them.
I will not announce the leaving in advance to the person I am leaving.

Support map

Isolation is what makes unsafe relationships survivable for the other person. Rebuild the map now, while you can think clearly, so you are never deciding who to call while depleted.

One person I can call at 2am without explaining myself.
One person who can physically come to me within an hour.
One professional line — crisis, domestic violence, or my doctor.
One neighbour or coworker who knows enough to notice if something is wrong.
A regular check-in with someone at a fixed time each week.
A written record of incidents with dates, kept where they cannot find it.
Permission — from myself — to use these people before it becomes an emergency.

Safety checklist and crisis support for when you feel unsafe

What “unsafe” actually looks like

If you feel unsafe right now

Crisis support in your region

Support numbers for Elsewhere / international

Build your safety checklist

Reading the signs that you are not safe

If you feel unsafe right now

Go-bag and documents

Digital safety

Exit plan

Support map

Frequently asked questions

What “unsafe” actually looks like

If you feel unsafe right now

Crisis support in your region

Support numbers for Elsewhere / international

Build your safety checklist

Reading the signs that you are not safe

If you feel unsafe right now

Go-bag and documents

Digital safety

Exit plan

Support map

Frequently asked questions

Related reading