R
The Reflection Method
Back to After Discard

After-discard recovery toolkit

Two things help most in the first weeks after a discard: something to do with your body when the panic arrives, and a decision about contact you made calmly rather than at 1am. This page holds both. Everything stays on your device.

Prefer audio? Try the guided versionFind crisis support

Grounding exercises

Four short exercises with a timer built in. Pick by what's happening in your body right now, not by which one sounds most impressive.

  • Box breathing

    80 seconds

    Best for: A racing heart, or the minute before you'd normally reply

    Four equal counts. If four feels long, shorten each side — the evenness matters more than the length.

    Press start when you're ready. Nothing leaves your device.

    80s
  • 5-4-3-2-1 senses

    100 seconds

    Best for: Spiralling thoughts, replaying conversations, 3am wakeups

    Name things out loud if you can. The point isn't to feel calm — it's to put your attention somewhere real.

    Press start when you're ready. Nothing leaves your device.

    100s
  • Urge surfing

    90 seconds

    Best for: The pull to text, check their profile, or explain yourself one more time

    You're not trying to stop the urge. You're watching it rise and fall without acting on it — which is how it eventually gets smaller.

    Press start when you're ready. Nothing leaves your device.

    90s
  • Orienting to safety

    75 seconds

    Best for: Feeling frozen, numb, or far away from yourself

    Slow head turns tell your nervous system the room is not a threat. Go slower than feels natural.

    Press start when you're ready. Nothing leaves your device.

    75s

Urge log

Every urge you ride out is evidence that it passes. Log it in five seconds — the record stays on this device.

Passing thoughtCan't think about anything else

No-contact decision support

Seven questions about your actual situation. The result is a contact posture with the reasoning shown, so you can disagree with it where it's wrong. Answers stay on this device.

0 of 7 answered

  1. 1. Has there been intimidation, threats, stalking, or any physical harm?

    Answer for the whole relationship, not just the last week.

  2. 2. Do you share anything that legally or practically requires contact?

    Children, a lease, a business, shared debt, or the same workplace.

  3. 3. How do you feel for the rest of the day after you hear from them?
  4. 4. Are they reaching out with apologies, crises, or promises to change?
  5. 5. How often do you draft or send messages you later regret?
  6. 6. Do you have people who know what's going on and can back you up?
  7. 7. What do you actually want six months from now?

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