Avoidant pattern
Withdrawal used to manage the withdrawing person's own discomfort, without an aim of control.
Avoidant withdrawal is usually followed by a return and some willingness to talk once the intensity drops. Over time it can still cause real harm through unavailability, even when nothing punitive is intended.
What it looks like
- They go quiet for an evening, then raise the subject themselves the next day.
- They struggle to name a feeling but don't deny that the event happened.
What it isn't
- Withdrawal with a price attached to raising the subject again.
- Silence aimed at an audience.
One thing to do with this
Judge the pattern by the return: does the conversation eventually happen without you paying for it?
Where this shows up in the field guide
These sections of the green flags field guide cover the behaviours behind avoidant pattern.