Narcissistic pattern
A behaviour pattern organised around image, control, and managing how others see the person.
Used here to describe observable behaviour, not a clinical diagnosis. The distinguishing feature from an avoidant pattern is direction: harm serves an audience or an advantage rather than the person's own discomfort.
What it looks like
- Warmth that switches on and off with who is in the room.
- Your account of a shared event is rewritten in front of other people.
- Apologies that appear when there is something to lose.
What it isn't
- Ordinary self-interest, or someone simply being confident.
- A diagnosis — this describes behaviour you can point at, nothing more.
One thing to do with this
Compare private behaviour with public behaviour over a month. The gap is the signal.
Where this shows up in the field guide
These sections of the green flags field guide cover the behaviours behind narcissistic pattern.