Gaslighting
Repeatedly denying or rewriting events so the other person stops trusting their own memory.
Phrases like 'I never said that' and 'you're too sensitive' do the work over time rather than in one conversation. The signature symptom is keeping mental or written receipts to defend basic facts.
What it looks like
- You reference a plan you both made and are told the conversation never happened.
- Your reaction becomes the subject, and the original event is never discussed again.
- You start screenshotting ordinary messages so you can prove them later.
What it isn't
- Two people genuinely remembering a detail differently and both being open about it.
- Being told, once and calmly, that your read of something was wrong.
One thing to do with this
Keep a short, dated private log. You are not building a case — you are protecting your own baseline.
Where this shows up in the field guide
These sections of the green flags field guide cover the behaviours behind gaslighting.