Red flag
A recurring behaviour that predicts harm, confusion, or a loss of independence if the relationship continues.
Red flags are patterns, not single bad days. The useful test is whether you can name a specific recent instance, and whether it repeats after being raised. Threats, intimidation, or physical harm are not flags to weigh — they are a safety issue.
What it looks like
- A boundary you stated clearly is tested again within the week, framed as a joke.
- Your account of an event is corrected every time you tell it.
- Contact with a specific friend keeps becoming expensive — sulking, timing conflicts, 'I just don't like how you are around them'.
What it isn't
- One bad argument during a genuinely hard week.
- A difference in preference you haven't actually raised yet.
One thing to do with this
Name it once, plainly, and watch what happens over the following two weeks. The response to being named is the real data.
Where this shows up in the field guide
These sections of the green flags field guide cover the behaviours behind red flag.