Green flag
A behaviour that repeats over time and makes a relationship safer, calmer and more predictable.
A green flag is not a nice moment — it is a behaviour that holds up across weeks and across at least one disagreement. Consistency, repair after conflict, and a 'no' that lands without punishment carry far more weight than charm, generosity, or intensity.
What it looks like
- They tell you something inconvenient about themselves early, before you could have found out another way.
- You raise a small annoyance on a Tuesday and it is handled in five minutes with no fallout.
- Their behaviour on an ordinary, tired, unremarkable day looks like their behaviour on a good one.
What it isn't
- A single grand gesture in week two.
- Being agreeable about everything — that is often avoidance, not alignment.
One thing to do with this
Write down the specific instance and the date. A flag you can't give an example of is an impression, not evidence.
Where this shows up in the field guide
These sections of the green flags field guide cover the behaviours behind green flag.