Disorganised (fearful-avoidant) attachment
Wanting closeness and fearing it at the same time, producing push-pull cycles.
Approach and withdrawal alternate, often quickly. It typically responds best to predictability — the same response to the same bid, repeated — rather than to intensity.
What it looks like
- A very close weekend followed by several distant days, with no incident in between.
- Asking for reassurance and then rejecting it when it arrives.
What it isn't
- Deliberate hot-and-cold used as leverage.
- Simple inconsistency in scheduling.
One thing to do with this
Keep your own response constant across both halves of the cycle; that consistency is the intervention.
Where this shows up in the field guide
These sections of the green flags field guide cover the behaviours behind disorganised (fearful-avoidant) attachment.